I wish...

...that I still wasn't so naïve in believing in men and who they are. That I could look back at my mistakes and realize them for what they are, not just to forget them and laugh in their faces. That I could turn back time for things that I have done, but not to undo all of them, yet to learn from each of them.
That I could be stronger, more mature, as life continues to remind me of such. That I could stop being a child in my mind and in the heads of others who know me. How? Everyone has their own opinion about my mind, yet no one cares to lend a helping hand. Guess it's human nature - to speak and then to turn all eyes and heads, avoiding a responsability, a spoken action.
Strength lies not in a scream, or in a harsh word and its consequent action - then in what?. And the same way goes for maturity. My father tells me that I look like a boy sometimes, with my clothes and my manners, my way of acting. How can I not, if that is my defense mechanism? I was alone growing up, and I had to stand up for myself.
I'm still scared, still afraid of being hurt, still scared of not being able to feel like I used to. How can I be more femenine? How can I stop intimidating others, while not losing myself in the process? How can I change myself, without destroying who I am?
Being a woman is the best thing that happened to me, and it's the hardest thing to do at the same time.
PS: How does a woman know when she's good or bad in bed? Any ideas?