What do I look like to you?

As some of you know (or don't), I like shaving my head as a recent thing. First it was because I had WAY too much hair and needed to get rid of it for practical reasons but now it's a silent tribute to my mother and the fact that she is losing her mind. With the hair I have no more on me, I think of the mind that is slowly escaping her, always having that with me.

I put up one picture of my hair half gone and the other side intact. I'm doing a more conscious effort to lose weight and be healthy again and it's starting to show in my face and other parts of my body, so I looked at myself and decided today was a good picture day. Some people have said I look pretty and that yes there really is a change in your face and you look better and then two good friends of mine said I looked too masculine. That there was an obsession to look like a boy that I wasn't aware of until that moment when they said so.

I can't see my own face. Look at me and tell me what you see.

***

Como algunos de ustedes saben (o no), me gusta afeitarme la cabeza como una cosa reciente. Primero lo hacía porque tengo MUCHO pelo y necesito deshacerme de él por razones prácticas pero ahora lo hago como un tributo silencioso a mi madre y el hecho que está perdiendo la mente poco a poco. Con el pelo que ya no tengo conmigo, pienso en la mente que ella ya no tiene y cómo llevo ese hecho conmigo siempre.

Subí una foto de ese momento, de tener y no tener pelo. Estoy haciendo un esfuerzo consciente de perder peso y de ser saludable y al parecer se me está notando en la cara y en el resto del cuerpo, así que dije si, hoy es un buen día para una foto. Algunas personas dicen que me veo bien y si, se me nota algo en la cara y te luce y luego dos buenas amigas a las que quiero montón me dijeron que me veía muy masculina. Que detrás de esa foto se ve una obsesión por verme como un chico, de lo cual no estaba consciente hasta que me lo escribieron en momentos diferentes.

No puedo verme la cara. Mírenme y digan qué ven.

Sing, sang, sung.

Try to guess which one is me.

https://www.smule.com/recording/shades-of-cool/1042359276_1534041659

Ripple - The Church

If I had to say what man I dream of right now, it's Steve Kilbey from The Church. Hands down.
Current state of mind and body.

Tiny baby, so naive
I can't believe what you believe
You were once so happy here

It may not be Eden or summer in Greece
You may not even find the Gold Fleece
In the drag of this atmosphere

Now I don't want to bring up a delicate matter
No, I'd much rather bribe or flatter you
'Cause flattery gets me everywhere

But you punctured my tires, you crossed all my wires
I brand your acolytes as a pack of liars 
And the fire's singing everywhere


Buckle like a wreck in the cold green sea
Like you were a ripple in my memory

I lent you some collateral to buy new clothes
It went out the window and up your nose
And that's the end of the honeymoon

Yeah we walked down the aisle for another mile
I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles
And you can have all the money soon

Buckle like a wreck in the cold green sea
Like you were a ripple in my memory

You're so deluxe, you're so divine
You're so fifty light years ahead of your time
You're a riddle, you're a ripple

You're the human sacrifice to the goddess of vice
Your hairdo is filled with diamonds and lice
And you're hardly off the nipple

Fuck her like a wreck in the cold green sea
Like you were a ripple in my memory
Another little glitch in continuity
Like you were a ripple in my memory